AutoXSiWife's 1998 Ford Taurus

I was born in Manila, Philippines and was raised a Catholic all my life. I grew up in a poor home, but feel very blessed that I have a home to live in. My family and I lived with my grandmother. Both my parents and grandma were very strict. I grew up with a lot of hurt, resentment, and anger towards my father. I remember being always compared to another person's daughter and how much this other daughter is so much better, and smarter than me. All I wanted is for my parents to love and appreciate me and be proud of me.

Growing up we were taught to always be respectful, do well in school, study hard, and do well in life. I was always told what to do. I never really have the chance to experience life. My parents were overly protective of us; we're not even allowed to sleep over a friend's house.

Before I became a born-again believer, I always believe that being good gets you to heaven. I went to St. Mary's College until the 6th grade and was taught to pray to the Virgin Mary, and even pray to St. Joseph, or St. Peter, or St. Luke. But, deep in my heart, I somehow question that. I've always wondered, "How much goodness does it takes to get to Heaven?" and "Why do we pray to Mary, she's only human?" Needless to say, I was searching for answers. I've tried and tried, and tried to be good, but ended up feeling frustrated and hopeless.

On July of 1991, my mom and dad decided to leave the Philippines in search of a better life in the US. Three years later, my twin sister Cheryl, Charlyn and I were finally re-united with my parents. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

In my teen years, despite the fact that my twin sister Cheryl rebelled against my parents, I always tried to be good. My parents lavished us with material gifts, but deep down in my heart, there is still a huge void that's needed to be filled. The emotional love and support was not there. I started dating men hoping they can fill that void. I ended up jumping from one relationship to the next.

My last break up was the toughest. On December 28, 1998, everything spiraled
out of control. I was not doing well in school, I felt hopeless and I contemplated about committing suicide. I felt that no one loves me and that I'm a total failure. I felt worthless and wanted to give up. I remember going downstairs to our kitchen and grabbing the biggest knife possible. I went back up stairs, locked my room, and prepared to kill myself. Then, Jesus spoke to me. He said, "I created you, and I love you. Think about the many blessings you will be missing if you end your life today?" At that point, I dropped the knife, fell down to my knees and poured my heart out to God. I told him that I'm damaged goods, and that there's no point of me living. But Jesus reminded me that he loves me. I remember looking up to heaven and I extend both my hands open and asked God to forgive me of my sins. I told him that I just want someone to love me and accept me for who I am. I also asked him that if he were to give me a mate, that I want someone who would love me just as much as I love him. I felt Jesus touch my hands, then my arms, then and my heart. It?s been as if he held me close to his arms and embraced me. I felt his hands touch my face and turned my tears of sorrow to tears of joy. I remember hearing Jesus softly, lovingly, and gently telling me "I love you my child. Go rest, sleep, and cast your worries to me.? I lie back down and fell asleep. For the first time in my life, I felt rested. I felt peace. On January 3, 1999, my sister and I went to First Baptist Church Woodstock and listened to Pastor Johnny's sermon about salvation. That very same day, I went forward and gave my life to Christ.

I know that I am saved, because there was a change in me. In the first 18 years of my life, I could barely say I love you, and even have the hardest time forgiving my dad for what he's put us through. Now, I can honestly say, God helped heal my broken heart. He gave me hope, allowed me to heal and be able to forgive my family, and myself. I know that no one else can fill this void except God. He made me whole. He made me new. God recycled this ?damaged goods.?

Looking back, I am very thankful to know a God who loves us, who cares about us, and who deeply and intimately know what I?m going through. I now have a Heavenly Father that I can now please, and know that he will never let go and he will always love me and cherish me no matter what.

"So I lift up my heart unto you Lord. I will follow you all of my days. Set my will aside for your new design, and I will be a woman of God. Lord, I want to be a woman of God."

Amen.